On Being Scottish

Haggis.

Irn-Bru. 

Buckfast.

All things that are, decidedly Scottish. 

All things that mostly give me the boke.

Also, what's with bagpipes?! Good lord they're awful! That being said, yes, I am Scottish - born and bred.

I was born in Glasgow - a city which is actually far larger than Scotland's capital city, Edinburgh.

Although born in Scotland, I have an interesting family heritage. Both my mother and father are English and moved up a few years before I was born. Unlike many Scottish people I know, from a young age my British cultural heritage was stamped all over me. Like a ready for international delivery Amazon Prime order. Postage paid and good to go! 

My grandfather served in the British Royal Air Force and my great uncle served in the British Army. Both inspirational, wise and dignified men who served their country and helped protect future generations. My Granny was also incredibly proud of The Empire and all it had achieved. If there was a wee union jack flag to wave, she would wave it. 🙄😅 She was also an 8th Scottish...? Or she said something along those lines anyway and would always say how proud she was of that too. 

Historically Speaking 

As you may be aware, the United Kingdom has quite the history.

We have a rich, cultural heritage of sweeping over the world and providing future generations with the English language, our idealised value system and empowering them their own day of independence.

You're welcome?

Whilst perhaps internationally regarded as a society where everyone speaks in a "British accent" (good lord, that isn't a thing!) and is the home of Harry Potter, we actually have a pretty sordid past. Something which current generations are starting to forget. I'm sure this is the part of the blog where I'm supposed to outline the dawn of the British Empire and summarise hundreds years of history but to be honest, I'm still reading-up on it and it's a bit too eyebrow raising. 

MOVING ON!

As I've grown-up, I've felt incredibly connected to both my Scottish and British cultural heritage and proud of the good parts. This is why I found the Scottish independence referendum such a confusing and frustrating experience.

For the first time in my life I started to feel my Scottish identity slipping away from me. With the fervour and the momentum of 'Yes!' campaign, I started to feel that my bipolar heritage wasn't 'a thing' anymore. It felt like there was no longer the luxury of being a product of both Scotland and England. That I had to either choose to be Scottish and deny my British-ness or be British and deny my Scottish-ness.

As the tensions started to build, the daily commute to work was becoming unbearable. People seemed visibly concerned as they scrolled through their timelines and flicked through the day's newspapers. For every person displaying common sense and sound judgement from either political standpoint, there were friends and work colleges exposing themselves left, right and centre - pun intended - as naive xenophobics.   

Freedom Intensified?  

Then, as the world watched with baited breath, Scotland chose the remain part of the United Kingdom.

So many people were disappointed but to be honest,I felt relieved.

If Scotland became independent, there were so many unanswered questions: pensions, our education system, national security or even what currency we would use?! But many people just wanted the opportunity for a fresh start without the ball and chain of The Empire.

Even these unknowns couldn't sway the opinions of the 'Yes!' voters. Their optimism for Scotland's future was resounding but it wasn't enough to draw in the nay-sayers. 

It was a close vote though, with 53.3% voting remain.

Should Scotland be an independent country?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/events/scotland-decides/results

No independence day for us, eh?

Not yet anyway. 

And Then To Brexit

Whilst the Scottish independence referendum result was no doubt disappointing to many in Scotland, it sent a powerful message worldwide: in the UK, whilst we may not all agree we're - for better or worse - together. 

When it came to the next history-making vote, I felt a sense of overconfidence. The Brexit vote to me felt like an exercise in the illusion of choice - that we were being presented with a choice to make us, the people, feel empowered. Not for one second did I think that the United Kingdom would actually vote to leave the European Union! That would be crazy, right?! 😅😭💀

This time round, it was undeniable that widespread xenophobia was at play. Instead of patriotism being the focus, the fear of "the other" combined with a loss of national identity and resources were being weaponised by the far-right, in a bid to force the hand of voters within an older and more dominant demographic. 

It worked.

UK Votes To leave the European union

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/politics/eu_referendum/results

Waking-up to the result felt like an actual fever-dream-nightmare and for Scotland, who voted by a 62% majority to remain within the EU, it was devastating. 

Living In The Post-Apocalypse...

So what's it like living in the post-apocalypse...sorry, I mean "Brexit"!

What's it like living in the post-Brexit Scotland?

For the most part, it's pretty much business as usual. Much like every supposedly pivotal political moment in history; we wake-up, we have a shower, we go to work, we come home and spend time with our friends and family - then repeat.

There's definitely the default British self-deprecating humour in full force on a daily basis though. A world-renowned sense of humour that helps keep the good-ship United Kingdom afloat. However, there's definitely a sense of worry in Scotland. A sense of worry with a dash of 'impending doom' for any European residing here. There's just so many unknowns.

What it means to live in a post-Brexit Scotland?

"Being British" - what does that even mean anymore?

Most of the people I know from my generation in Scotland really wouldn't regard themselves as "British". Even more so now. 

As the lines that divide England and Scotland seem to become further refined with every questionable decision made in Westminster, the things that brought the United Kingdom together seem more and more arbitrary.

This kingdom doesn't seem that united anymore, does it? 

What about "being Scottish" though? Well, as history has proven, being Scottish means being resilient, being passionate and being willing to fight for what you believe in.

Here's to the future!

Whatever it might be.


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Time for some music?

Inspired by this blog post, here's a new Spotify playlist!

Click or tap the image below.

Why Video Games Matter

Why Video Games Matter

Recently I was listening to an IGN UK podcast which featured an interview with Ridley Scott. The director of such greats as Gladiator, Blade Runner and Alien (and also the super lame Prometheus...but SHH!). He was having a relaxed conversation with IGN’s Gav Murphy about his latest film, Alien: Covenant (AKA Prometheus 2...but SHHHH!).

During the conversation Gav asked a question that, to me, was a burning one: had Scott heard of Alien: Isolation and if so, what did he think about it?

Unsurprisingly, Scott’s response verged on: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Scott said,

 

“What’s it called? [Gav says, “Alien: Isolation” again]. I think I did. But you know, I’m not a game person and to be fair. Because I’m not into it, I tend to think that games are too simple. Is that accurate?...I don’t want to sit there shooting things for four hours. I think ‘get off your ass and go do something’. I remember the feeling with MTV. I used to watch MTV because there was a lot of interesting filmmakers...then when that went away, they became just performance. But it’s nice when the actors are involved in the story.”

 (IGN UK Podcast #383: Alien: Covenant Special, 2017)  

 

This is rather rather disappointing. I wouldn’t really expect a director of Scott’s calibre to be interested in video games, nor even have the time to indulge, to be honest. However, for Scott to disregard such a faithful adaptation and the medium as a whole, is nothing short of disheartening.

Alien: Isolation is BAFTA Game Award winning and arguably a much more faithful adaptation or sequel than any of the actual Alien films since the 1979 sci-fi horror original! The game currently sits with a Metacritic score of 81 and a user score of 8.1 whilst surpassing 2.11 million sales worldwide. So, generally speaking the game is regarded both critically and commercial as a success. Not exactly genre defining or as one of the best games ever made but most definitely a good, solid game.

A relic from a Blade Runner - An Easter egg hidden in a safe within Alien: Isolation. 

A relic from a Blade Runner - An Easter egg hidden in a safe within Alien: Isolation. 

Moreover, as Scott himself made reference to, many of the original actors from the Alien film actually gave their seal of approval to the game by appearing in it. Including Ripley herself - Sigourney Weaver.

From a personal perspective, Alien: Isolation is a chance to finally experience the horrors of the first Alien film first-hand. The environments are faithfully and respectfully recreated and paired with the film’s iconic sound effects and music score - making it a truly immersive experience. The character and sound design are also impressive with smooth and fluid game-play to keep the horror immersive and distraction free. Plus, fleshing-out the extended Alien universe with Ripley’s daughter as the protagonist proves to be an exciting journey to take.

Crawling around air ducts and hiding under desks, clutching a flame thrower whilst hoping that the evil space bitch doesn’t successfully hunt you down! It’s pure blood-pumping space terror! My only complaint would be the rushed concluding moments of the game which feel awkward and tacked-on. Although this was probably done in an attempt to leave the story open for a sequel.

 

But Do Video Games Matter?

With all this in mind, it’s disappointing that Scott isn’t more aware of the potential of video games as a medium. Games like Quantic Dream’s Heavy Rain and Telltale’s Walking Dead show the potential for video games as explorations into creative narrative and character development. Both, with their sprawling and seemingly endless narrative-threads, showcasing that a game where the player controls the character’s agency can have a deep and lasting emotional impact. Just ask any player who finished the final heart-wrenching episode of Walk Dead, season one.

Grand Finale by David Müller, 2012

Grand Finale by David Müller, 2012

In a film, the character’s agency pushes the story forward. With each action and decision having repercussions for the other characters and the direction of the over-arching story. However in a video game, the player can help to control the character’s agency and sometimes the trajectory of the story. The power for storytelling is then shared between the player and the creator. This is something which most film directors and auteurs may be slightly apprehensive about. After all, it is the job of a director to direct the story. However, when this power transfer is done well, it can be successful to a devastating effect.

In Naughty Dog’s critically acclaimed game The Last of Us the player is in less control of the story than in a Telltale game. However, the main protagonist Joel makes decisions and choices that the player would either find hard to make themselves or even regard as completely abhorrent. This is even having faced Joel’s backstory and having experiencing the horrors of his past first-hand. In Joel’s present, the decisions he - and in turn the player - must make are completely devastating and leave the player with a last feeling of unease. With this in mind, in many ways the emotional journey a player faces are actually far more impactful when taking active participation as a player, rather than as a passive film viewer.

This is why video games matter! Games like The Last of Us prove the medium can showcase award winning acting, script writing and direction. They prove that they can take the player on a journey just as impactful, if not more so, than a film. Quite simply, petting giraffes in a post-apocalyptic world has never been more cathartic! Video games can be both energising and devastating. A creator can force a person to make hard choices and take perilous journeys they would never have a chance to make in real life. It’s just a shame that such well respected directors like Ridley Scott are afraid to empower their their viewers, to enable them to become players.


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REFERENCES:

Podcast

(IGN UK Podcast #383: Alien: Covenant Special, 2017)

[podcast] Available at: http://uk.ign.com/articles/2017/05/12/ign-uk-podcast-383-alien-covenant-special [Accessed 1 Jul. 2017].

http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2015-05-11-alien-isolation-sales-reach-2-1m-fm15-810k 

http://www.metacritic.com/game/pc/alien-isolation

 

 

 

4 Things I Learned From Being A YouTuber

In the world of  digital marketing, video content has clearly become essential. In an industry report by Social Media Examiner it's shown that a significant 60% of marketers already use video in their marketing and that 73% plan on increasing their use of video (Stelzner, 2016:5). That’s clearly a majority of marketers, implementing video content to further reach and to strengthen brand loyalties.

Comparatively, marketers plan to increase their use of videos over other mediums - video (73%), visuals (71%), blogging (66%), live video (39%), and podcasting (26%) (Stelzner, 2016:45). That’s exactly why I decided to learn as much as I could about it by becoming a YouTuber.

After a successful run of working as tech op, producer and all round dogsbody within commercial radio for over three years, it took me a while to settle on a career and industry that was a good fit. As previously blogged, I do have the attention span of a sparrow and so finding a role which is varied and dynamic enough takes a good hard search.

I floated about in promotional and experiential marketing for a couple of years - working on behalf of companies and brands like Tennent’s Larger, Colgate (toothpaste sample anyone?) and Google. The latter being one of the best experiences in my career. That'll be a blog for another time though.

Once my time within promotional work had ran its course, I decided to narrow in on something that could hold my attention, allow me to express myself creatively and utilise my people skills, flair for logistics and channel my reignited passion in all things digital - working with cloud computing,  augmented reality and passionate people clearly sparked something in me.

“So digital it is then!”, I thought to myself.

“Now what?!”

It was always going to be digital marketing, if I really reflect on things. Ever since my early days of listening to that terrifying Matrix noise that dial-up internet made and pouring hours into absorbing the BBC’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer website. My life has always revolves around the internet and online communities. Flash-forward fifteen years and I'd be writing my honours dissertation on female identity within American Cult TV and the online communities that cherished them.

Digital marketing-wise, I knew my stuff already. Having used social media marketing all through community, hospital and commercial radio. However, when it came to finding a job role or a company to snap me up, I knew I had to prove myself further. At the time I was working within a call centre to pay the bills and was creatively pretty unfulfilled so I knew I needed a project to focus on. Something to develop my skills further and also showcase my abilities for digital marketing and online community generation.

This is where YouTube came in. Having noticed the trend of video content generation becoming ever more prominent and vital to digital marketing, I knew it was time to step from behind the microphone to in front of the camera. A prospect which I wasn't entirely comfortable with if I'm honest.

Again, as I had an attention span of a sparrow, I knew whatever subject I chose to focus on for my video content needed to be something I wouldn't grow tired of. So it seemed a natural idea to select video games and Lady Lara Croft/Tomb Raider as a loose theme. This then lead swiftly to the adoption of Twitch in addition to YouTube as platforms. As I thought having knowledge of a niche platform could also give me the edge.

What proceeded was a burst of video content generation spanning the course of about three months. There were Let's Play live streams two to three times a week on Twitch and a new piece of YouTube content every Sunday. Additionally I fully utilised Twitter, Facebook, Vine and Instagram with scheduled content that was completely unashamedly targeted and strategic. But also engaging and fun.

Themes and subject matters varied for the YouTube videos but there were such gems as, “Why Lara Croft Should Be Your Girlfriend” and a personal favourite of mine, “Dating Advice From A Single Guy”. Plus, there was the YouTube Christmas staple of Vlogmas - a new video each day on the run-up to Christmas. I baked, made cocktails and even made a bloody Lara Croft Baba Yagga gingerbread house! It was fun, rewarding and EXHAUSTING!!!

My strategy worked as well. I gained 70+ YouTube subscribers, 100 Twitch followers and hundreds more followers on Twitter. I also gained the attention of a major PR firm who snapped me up as they saw potential.

Since then I have fully rebooted - and in some cases restarted - social network profiles for a fresh start. Although I'm no longer a YouTuber, I definitely look back at that time fondly. I met some amazing people from all over the world and was again impressed with the power of the internet to draw like minded people together. What then, have I learned? Well, without further ado, here's four things I learned from being a YouTuber.

 

The Internet Can Be a Fickle Beast

This one goes without saying really, doesn’t it?

“The Internet is a significant community with a membership numbering in the millions, probably including you.” (Hanlon, 2006: 112)

A mass of people - essentially the general public - shifting and changing their opinions at the drop of a hat? But of course! I’ll never forget during the Olympic task of Vlogmas - talk about ENDURANCE! Vlogmas is a YouTube trend whereby a YouTuber makes a brand new video, everyday on the run-up to Christmas day. Now technically, as I was a video game streamer I was kinda busy doing that for the most part but I still did do at least half of Vlogmas. That meant almost 14 videos! Each between 8 - 10 minutes long, often scripted and planned out. All shot, edited and uploaded by me. Whilst I was working full-time! It was...intense.

One of the videos I was proudest of was a festive cocktail making tutorial - bare with me now! It took about 6 hours to shoot, what with all the cooking and preparing of the frosty-looking sugared cranberries and general continuity logistics. It was pretty funny too! I had shot a whole bit where I did a voice-over during close-up shorts of cooking in an overly sexual Nigella Lawson/Marks and Spencer voice.

Then there was the editing which took a couple of hours to get right. That’s the part I probably enjoyed the most actually. Probably as it’s reminiscent of my radio production experience of editing. So after all this hard work, I uploaded my video and waited. Eager to see that view counter number rise and rise! I waited....and kept on waiting. After having amassed 500+ views on one of my videos I was hopeful that people would enjoy it. Enjoy it they did, all 50 of them!

Needless to say I was frazzled and disappointed. Clearly on this one occasion I had missed the mark. In reflection, by diversifying my content to reach a new broader audience, I had started to marginalise my core video gamer audience. Lesson learned!

At least I had made a braw cocktail, eh?

 

Planning and Strategy is Your Friend

Whether you’re doing YouTube to extend your corporate brand or just doing it as a personal creative project, you’ll need to be strategic. It may feel cold and calculated but it’s actually vital. As I just showed you on that last example, it’s easy to miss the mark with some content. Creating video content can be such a time absorbing activity so you’ve gotta get those spreadsheets out! Okay, maybe not spreadsheets necessarily but you’ve got to at least think about who your audience are, what kind of content they like and then plan out a content calendar. From here the next natural step is a filming and editing schedule. All this is really just a framework to get the work done as quickly and efficiently as possible. I also enjoy the tried and tested SCRUM method of post-its - “still to do”, “doing” and “done”. There, that doesn’t sound so boring, eh? Colourful post-its and everything! I’m actually lucky enough to be one of those weirdos who finds planning and organising to be therapeutic and even perhaps a tad gratifying.  

But I digress.

That being said, don't be afraid to make some stuff up as you go. Being adaptive is key as you learn what your audience enjoy. Plus, it'll keep the content fresh.

 

Have Power Naps, All of the Power Naps

I can’t quite stress this one enough: making YouTube content can be exhausting. Most YouTubers have other full-time jobs or careers and the lucky few whose advertising revenues are enough to support them as an livable income usually aren’t shy of expressing that at times it can be an exhausting venture.

Vlogmas really is a good example for this too actually. Picture it: working full-time on the run-up to Christmas, planning and executing video content, filming, editing, uploading on a daily basis for 14 days in a row! Even with making some content in advance I ended up chasing my tail towards the end. It was madness!

However, whilst it is exhausting, it can also be wholly energising having return viewers spurring you on! In my case, I was lucky enough to gain some supporters who helped finance me to buy equipment to make a podcast! Now THAT’S online community generation and brand loyalty at it’s best, right?

 

The Battle for Legitimacy

I feel in some ways this is an obvious point but I think it’s important to highlight it. There’s still a bit of a stigma within classic media, design and PR. People just don’t take YouTubers seriously. I feel the E! TV network’s sassy tweet about uber famous YouTuber and all round nice person Grace Hellbig is a prime example. After only a few months had passed from the end of the TV series they filmed with Grace, they tweeted this:

EW.

Just gross.

Needless to say, The Internet didn’t react favourably towards E!

Another classic example is the garbage truck on fire that is the relationship between Pewdiepie and the wider press and classic media. I would write thoughts on that...but...I just can’t.

Personally speaking my time working within The Death Star...I mean, my time working within corporate PR was an interesting experience. I kinda felt I was viewed a bit like a performing monkey due to having made YouTube content. This battle for legitimacy is something that I think a lot of bigger YouTubers would relate to. Even if you have hundreds of views, thousands of subscribers and a whole online brand, the big guns will actually probably react like:

“You do YouTube? CUTE!”

But then again, successes like YouTuber Colleen  Ballenger are too busy making hit shows for Netflix to care. To quote her character Miranda…

maxresdefault.jpg

At the end of the day, YouTube and video content in general is a great tool for digital marketing and online community nurturing. Utilising it for your brand really isn’t a matter of if you should, it’s a matter of when are you going to do it? Afterall, brands that don’t shift and adapt to trends drift into irrelevance or, quite simply, die.  

For those looking to harness the power of video content for their brands, I say do it but be aware. Not “beware”. Be aware. Craft together a team of people who have the skills and passion to make engaging content but who simultaneously truly understand how to harness the medium to generate communities. Otherwise all you’re doing is burning budget and wasting resources.

For those who are dipping their toes in the water for fun, I say do it! Do you and do you well! Have fun, be prepared to learn, refine and grind. It can be exhausting but it’s totally worth it!
 


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Bibliography:

Hanlon, Patrick, (2006), Primal Branding - Create Zealots For Your Brand, Your Company, and Your Future, Free Press, New York: Page 112

Stelzner, Michael A., (2016), 2016 SOCIAL MEDIA MARKETING INDUSTRY REPORT - How Marketers Are Using Social Media to Grow Their Businesses, Social Media Examiner: page 5 and 45.

Why Lara Croft Should Be Your Girlfriend.

In life I love few things.

Not like.

Love.

My first love is music. I have always been passionate about music and there's definitely some clear personal history that set the foundations for this first love. Starting from the beginning, my mum (A.K.A Mumma Sparks) fondly reminds me from time-to-time that she used to listen to music when I lived in my first home - her womb. Yep, as I floated around in her amniotic fluid like Ellen Ripley's worst nightmares, I was enthusiastically taking-part in a shared listening experience. A listening party, as it were.

In terms of my up-bringing, I had a number of influences that set-me-up for a musical journey. My father is a musician and my step-mother (Step-Mumma Dowling) is a singer and musician. To add to this, my sister (Sista Sarah) had her musical awakening in the mid 90s and early 00s - to the likes of Oasis, Kula Shaker, Blur, Republika and Franz Ferdinand [that's how I remember it anyhoo - there was a whole thing involving Bon Jovi and Bros which I pretend never happened]. Meanwhile, I was surviving on a self-prescribed diet of R&B pop. I guess, in a Katy Perry fashion, you could also throw Church into the mix of my musical awakening too. Sure, why not.

Whilst I was always interested in pop culture, it wasn't until the latter part of my high school education leading into University life that my music taste blossomed into the strange beast that it is now. And whilst I could sum-up my musical preference as "indie, alternative and electro", it doesn't really fully represent my listening tastes nor my listening habits. To be clear, my music taste is:

If I love it, I listen.

That isn't to say that I'm not open to music of all genres. However, I am quite dismissive in everyday life [yes, even to people] but it's only because I get bored very easily as I have the attention span of a sparrow. But at least I'm up front about it, eh?

With all this back-story - and my lack of attention span in mind - why then have I managed to be captivated for over 15 years by one thing?

By one lady: Lady Lara Croft.

I'll never forget the first time I met Lara. I was over a a friends house and they wanted to show me their new favourite possession. It was a games console called the 'PlayStation'. To me it was completely alien. All my personal gaming experience had been on a PC platform...mostly destroying hordes of hellspawn with bazookas in Doom. Oh, and a delightful little game called 'Chips Challenge'. This new PlayStation thing that I had heard about, but never seen in action, was an odd light-grey colour and had a sexy oriental-looking controller.

The first game my friend showcased was this immensely fun game called 'Wipeout'. With it's futuristic hovering cars, bright colours and bangin' soundtrack, Wipeout was quite a full-on experience. Then he showed me this other game. One that I'd heard of, but again, never seen in action - Tomb Raider.Now, like most teenage boys at the time, Indiana Jones was one of my favourite fictional characters. When I was a child I thought wise-cracking Indiana Jones was DA BOSS. He got the girl (even-though he was clumsy and suffered from tendencies of megalomania and was scared of snakes), he was brilliant at his job (Tomb Raiding) and really knew how to pull-off wearing a hat. Plus, he had that sexy scar.

Lara Croft was reminiscent of Indiana Jones - minus the fear of snakes and with the addition of boobs. Massive pointy boobs. Yep, Lara was definitely a lady. Well done game designers...you had my attention.

Now, I don't want you to think that my love of Lara is mostly due to her form as a sexualised male fantasy figure. Nay, this is just my current personal reflective reading into the pseudo-Freudian psychology behind my obsession. To begin with, my Tomb Raider obsession was actually rather innocent. Those hours spent watching her climb ladders, in that slightly suggestive way she did, really was all about finding booty...I mean, treasure. Treasure. Honest! It just so happened that Lara was around throughout my teenage years and well into my 20s - when 'Jamie the boy' became 'Jamie DA MAN'. It was Angelina who REALLY sealed the deal in her depiction of Lara in the film adaptation. Haha!

You see, as I was grew-up there was this ever emerging trend for empowered female protagonists - who 'just so happened' to be smoking hot: Buffy, the slayer of vampires; Scully, the Catholic FBI Special Agent who perpetually refused "to believe"; even that wise-cracking lawyer who needed to eat more and generally drink less coffee - Ally McBeal. In many ways, Lara is just a sum of her parts. However, she wasn't just one of the many other female archetypes that summed-up society's then ideal woman. She was a collective of all the best parts of these archetypes. Like a game designers hot-pant wearing female Frankenstein. No flaws included. An inspiring, sexually terrifying and often one-dimensional female protagonist. This is what would later been to be known as "Teflon Lara" during the regenesis of Lara for the 2013 video game re-boot.

In addition to this cultural foundation, I had many strong female role models in my personal life. I had my headstrong, hard-working, single-parent mother (Mumma Sparks), my feminist and politically-minded step-mother (Step-Mumma Dowling) and even my sister (Sista Sparks) was bad-ass. Plus, no-one fucks with Grandma Sparks. Seriously. So when I reflect on it, it's no wonder I was and am captivated by Lara Croft.

Whilst these female role models in my life are both influential and bad-ass - and having had relationships in my love-life come and go - I have come to the realisation that no one person will ever love me like Lady Lara Croft. However, the harsh reality is that she's not even aware I'm there. And this is ideal.

It's a symbiotic relationship, you see. Lara's there when I need her - turn-on my Playstation and she's ready and waiting. But if she causes me annoyance by repeatedly jumping of a cliff with a wonky trajectory, which causes her to plummet to her doom, ending with a satisfying crunch...I can turn-off my PlayStation and pretend the disobedient harpy doesn't exist. Yep. I get to play with her on a regular basis and ignore her when she annoys me. As I said, it's ideal.

What does Lara get out of this relationship? Well, for Lara, she get's a to spend some quality time with me as we carefully navigate ancient temple ruins and go on worldwide adventures. I point her in the right direction and for most of the time she heeds my advice to live another day. Sometimes she chooses to ignore me though and gets beheaded by a Velociraptor. But, you know, shit happens. And that's what check-points are for anyhoo.

There are some negatives to this situation though. Lara won't make me chicken soup when I have man-flu that lasts 3 and-a-half weeks and when it's her turn to do the washing-up she's always unavailable. What a boot. But there lies the rub: if you're going to date an international world explorer, tomb raider and temple runner...be prepared to do your own housework.

rise_of_the_tomb_raider_tomb_raider_lara_croft_106535_1920x1080.jpg

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